Roosevelt Park, The Brass Ring and the Merry go round……………………………………………… Running out of toilet paper while moving from Kedsy Ave. Taking a survey to see how people change as they grow up Writing and reading the dictionary and keeping a journal School, Judy, the 60’s and New York City
All those memories of moments in time that I always recall. What do they mean? Why do I hold on to them? How does it all fit? Why do I know it’s important to document ideas as a way of putting the thoughts out there? What does it all mean? Maybe what life is about, why we have the particular experiences we do, going in a direction we are not aware of and yet consistent in its essence ?
Suddenly, all those random pieces are coming together in a coherent way and is being defined as intent, purpose and an expansion of consciousness. Every wall represents an opportunity to explore and find the cracks that eventually become a doorway of understanding. An awareness of consciousness of thought and actions and conclusions. When I have a breakthrough and the need to write it down, I’m thinking it’s so I don’t forget it but I always do, anyway. My next thought is that by writing these things down it puts it out thee in the ether, as it where, to the greater collective consciousness…..and even though I was never very clear about what that meant I continued in this exercise as if I knew. Turns out all that information and putting it out there was really kind of the opposite. The value is for myself,. my higher self that is. After accumulating years and years of these little thoughts turned into memories of pieces of a bigger picture….It is finally beginning to make some sense.
The ultimate purpose of holding on and letting go is all about the building blocks of knowing something that becomes true. How it all fits together and what it’s all about. I’m in awe of this revelation, a I speak. Knowing I’ve always known something, not what it was but sure of its presence is what has been a manifestation of my reality beyond the third dimensional world of substance and into a higher understanding of what all of life experience is ultimately about. how to use every opportunity as a gift, especially when that might be the last thing I would have expected.
In fact, having expectations has been the key. They always result in disappointment, as I bang my head against the wall again and again and again wondering why this keeps happening? What am I doing wrong to keep attracting all this negative energy? That’s the best part! It’s not my own lack that attracts it but rather it is the level of understanding that it represents.. My job is to figure that part out and I have been blessed with the kind of mind that finds this sort of thing exciting and challenging. If and when I should find the meaning being presented the reward is astonishingly worth every moment of doubt and fear it took to get here.
When I realized the feeling of knowing is the same as the felling of being in love…….It all came together and made complete sense to me..
Okay, here it is……………..”In the beginning…………….’They kept giving us leaders but it wasn’t working so they did it with God. They created a story followed by a book with all he rules and a blueprint of what the future would become. they called it ‘the end times’ so the populace would be fully compliant through their blind faith in a god that ever was. The whole story about Constantine and his vision was pure fiction and it worked like a charm. everyone took the bait and suddenly the whole world was Cristian if not Roman Catholic and Jews, of course. You can equate this to the Illuminati card game, it’s that obvious.That’s why the Pope is the Vicar of Christ or the stand in, and why and how he is the center of power on earth, as far as this 3rd dimension goes, anyway. In this case power is relative
Even if just for a moment I dwell in darkness by fantasizing what if’s…….My next thought are always a notch or so lower and more serious negative realities.When I suspect it I create it. Another example of how essential it is to be conscious of being conscious. It is never a one of…it is everything all of the time. It is the purpose of even being here having these life experiences. Not to mention the proof of it can be felt in an instant. You know when you know and it’s a definite feeling. It’s a lot like the feeling of being in love. Imagine that! I knew it was familiar and I knew that it felt that way but I just totally got it that it is that way! And all this time I really thought I was smart and all this time I couldn’t see what has always been right there in my face. It’s fucking amazing how this stuff works and it does work. There is no doubt in my mind that I am on the right road to where ever it is I’m supposed to be on my way to. That, I’m afraid, is still a mystery but certainly an exciting one. It can get old pretty fast but somehow, always just in the nick of time there’s a breakthrough and the pressure shatters leaving clarity in its wake and answers to be realized.
Turns out the whole what’s my purpose question wasn’t anything like I’d imagined. I know this is true simply because ever since I found it’s invisible existence my whole everything has lightened up. So I’m calling that proof enough that I’ve uncovered yet another one of life’s ever so subtle trace elements.
Cycles of time stretch different parameters during each progressive age, always seeking more and always pushing the envelope.
The very thing a person is trying to hide becomes front and center, it’s how we always tell on ourselves. We give ourselves away by making the very thing they want to hide obvious and usually denial is the defense of choice. “ didn’t do what ever it is you think I did” is really saying. “Yes, I did that”