Process

They say depression is anger turned inward. I was depressed fir decades but never experienced overt anger. Probably as a good candidate for an ulcer. Okay, so then and after spending quite a bit of time focused on employing a mental shovel, I experienced having an angry side of my personality. I guess it was more like a release of all that pressure that was building within a reservoir created to house all the inward anger I’d been holding on to. So for awhile now I’ve been known to sort of pop off when I get mad bout something. Sometimes I even yell and don’t even think about who’s attention I provoke. It’s very spontaneous and is over sometimes before i even realize what I’ve just done. ie., Whoops! I hope I didn’t say something I’m going to be sorry for because it’s already too late. The cat? She is out of t he bag. Moving right along…..I am now at the thresh hold of a new condition or circumstance. Actually, not so much that as a new way to respond without anger and without saving it for depression to store. Rather, it’s a much more thoughtful process of gratefulness. I still stumble past  resistance from habit but I can now roll right through it and just notice it’s there without having to stop and get reactivated into old behavior. This new one is very cool. I like it a lot. It doesn’t hurt anyone and doesn’t create any karma. It is kinda about whatever comes up just go with it and assume if it’s negative it is probably fear based and a part of a persons immediate reality. That’s it and that’s all. slide right over the ‘stuff’ and right into the moment and without the drama. It’s really very cool.

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