Isis

A woman’s band in New York. I had met them and was hanging out being a pretend roadie. Really I was more like a groupie free labor trick. But I loved hanging with people who were good at what they did and i got to play now and then when no one was around. I really thought I was better than I really was. Not that I never was. But it was a long time ago and only in my mind did it seem like just last year, or so. It turn s out that it was one of those if onlys’ that are pure mental exercise at best. the thing is this: Seems like just another example of looking back and seeing something in a different light. More like watching a replay and seeing what really was going on from a perspective of history. I think I’m cool. I thought I was cool way back then if not even cooler than I am now. Turns out maybe not so much. I’m seeing me in a new way here. I’m trying to understand why there is such a contrast between myself and the rest of the world? No joke. I’ve had very few friends in my whole life, maybe two, one for sure and I think I even made her nuts sometimes. I’ve had friends that I love dearly still but they passed on to another place when they were very young. I used to say that if they only would’ve hung out a little longer it would have gotten better. It was the 80’s and everybody wanted to be cool, even the parents were smoking pot. It was better but it was plastic. Better plastic kept the shine longer but, as always, didn’t last. But I digress. In New York where I was being a roadie I used to go up to the bandstand during the breaks and play along with the house music in whatever drum happen to be there. I know. It sounds crazy now and more than likely did then to everyone else. But Nooo! I was cool and so I guess I must have thought it was an okay thing to do. Well, now that I am looking back I can see why I wasn’t all that popular. I always put it off to that I was high and wanted to do it. So I did. What I’m talking about here is that I can see by what I do that puts people off. I can’t seem to see it at the time so It’s basically still a problem. there’s a reason no one likes me.I’m trying to figure it out. As long as I don’t take myself too seriously I think I’ll be alright. I mean it’s not likely that something is going tom set me off on a binge of self destruction as I’ve been known to do in the past. But that was then and thins is now and if ever there as something to be grateful for, it doesn’t get any better!

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