What future?

I never had those thoughts about my future very seriously. I never filled out that question on any forms in school. Every year the same forms with the same questions and every year I left it blank. So guess what? Now that I am in my future there is nothing here. That’s not true, there’s a lot here at least in my view. I am rich with experience and thoughtfulness. I have invested in my thinking process and beginning to learn to become aware of y deeper purpose and if I’ve even come close to it……Assuming I even knew what that is. I never had a goal. I trusted in time and the unknown to lead the way. I’m not sure if I took those clues or not and still I have lived a life full of different occasions where I always just faced them head on. I didn’t have any problems with expectations unless it had to do with people so I always had a certain sense of freedom. I do have issues still unresolved about people. Other humans and I are more often closer to oil and vinegar than any permeable substance. I somehow always push them away just by saying words, I guess. I really do not know anyone that I can call a friend. I don’t know anyone I even like at least out of the ones I do know. That’s another story. I don’t know anyone except the ones that were part of another life. So that is a problem right there…..But being so isolated where I live and blowing it with my neighbors years ago when I tried to sell them some dog breath stuff because I was so desperate. they got afraid and not so friendly after that.  That’s a good example of how I seem to push people away. I always see more there than is actually there. I’d like to think I am right about them but they are surrounded with fear of no identity.

 

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