All those memories of moments in time that I always recall. What do they mean? Why do I hold on to them? How does it all fit? Why do I know it’s important to document ideas as a way of putting the thoughts out there? What does it all mean? Maybe what life is about, why we have the particular experiences we do, going in a direction we are not aware of and yet consistent in its essence ?
Suddenly, all those random pieces are coming together in a coherent way and is being defined as intent, purpose and an expansion of consciousness. Every wall represents an opportunity to explore and find the cracks that eventually become a doorway of understanding. An awareness of consciousness of thought and actions and conclusions. When I have a breakthrough and the need to write it down, I’m thinking it’s so I don’t forget it but I always do, anyway. My next thought is that by writing these things down it puts it out thee in the ether, as it where, to the greater collective consciousness…..and even though I was never very clear about what that meant I continued in this exercise as if I knew. Turns out all that information and putting it out there was really kind of the opposite. The value is for myself,. my higher self that is. After accumulating years and years of these little thoughts turned into memories of pieces of a bigger picture….It is finally beginning to make some sense.
The ultimate purpose of holding on and letting go is all about the building blocks of knowing something that becomes true. How it all fits together and what it’s all about. I’m in awe of this revelation, a I speak. Knowing I’ve always known something, not what it was but sure of its presence is what has been a manifestation of my reality beyond the third dimensional world of substance and into a higher understanding of what all of life experience is ultimately about. how to use every opportunity as a gift, especially when that might be the last thing I would have expected.
In fact, having expectations has been the key. They always result in disappointment, as I bang my head against the wall again and again and again wondering why this keeps happening? What am I doing wrong to keep attracting all this negative energy? That’s the best part! It’s not my own lack that attracts it but rather it is the level of understanding that it represents.. My job is to figure that part out and I have been blessed with the kind of mind that finds this sort of thing exciting and challenging. If and when I should find the meaning being presented the reward is astonishingly worth every moment of doubt and fear it took to get here.
When I realized the feeling of knowing is the same as the felling of being in love…….It all came together and made complete sense to me..