Always the undercurrent of the present. They are subtle but no less effective at influencing our moment to moment lives by choosing which switch to reactivate at any certain phrase or situation that would call for some sort of response. Anger is a hot one  and always ready and willing to accept a challenge. Being thoughtful is usually way down the list of first responders and also usually where the door is found that opens the event for consideration and proper placement. But again, that doesn’t happen until I go through a few preconceptions and misinterpretations of the occasion. At some point it would seem that I would already know it’s what I do so I can get on with the more honest conclusions….but nooo. It’s as if each time was the first and there is no memory of this always happening again and again, over and over. It’s not like I’m brain dead……….? I didn’t think so anyway. the fact is there are several issues that I continue to miss as they happen  until I focus and begin to sort out the various components. It’s then when I begin to notice all the familiar signs. I always say ‘that I need to remember this next time’ and I never do. So I’ve concluded that this is in the category of ‘habits’.  Because of some of the habits I’ve been noticing lately in how I’m living day to day, or not. It’s the ‘or not’ part that has my attention. For the past two years the quality of my life has diminished considerably. I’ve gotten into the habit of not doing anything. everyday is the same. I sit in front of the monitor clicking for interesting things to watch or going through meaningless emails and even answering stupid spam. Mostly my social interactions are as impersonal as youtube comments. I heard somewhere that when you repeat the same behavior everyday for two weeks you will have developed a habit of doing that…..So I experimented with doing the dishes at night. Every night before I went to sleep I made sure there were no dishes in the sink for the next morning and so far so good. Since I did hat I haven’t had any dishes in the sink in the morning. It’s not magic. I have to make a conscious choice to do it everyday but everyday it is less a choice than just another part of the evening. something I do every night before I go to sleep. There are other issues I would like to address as habits and be in the drivers seat about. Like smoking cigarettes for one.  It’s a hyuge one and I hate that I’ve surrendered  self control to anything especially something like smoking. I did want to acknowledge that I’m beginning to move around more and putting less off for another time. I was doing nothing for a long time, just sitting and atrophying at the monitor  and putting everything off for another day. they were beginning to stack up and back up everywhere I looked.

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