This stuff about ascending or evolving to a higher consciousness is not so easy as it turns out.  Nothing less than absolute vigilance is required to achieve any modicum of a positive experience.  This includes those ‘thoughts’ when you think you’re alone within your physical mind……But you’re never alone with regards to these thoughts as they are the moment to moment reference to your level of enlightenment.  The old saying that you never get away with anything  cannot be overemphasized here. We are never alone in our thoughts so thinking that you’re getting away with some negative indulgence is a fantasy….Especially when you follow this thinking by words to the effect that you really are an evolved being.  This is called being self delusional. You are pretending to be in a place where those negative thoughts cannot exist so how can you then pretend you’re in such a better place than the ones you just judged ?   The worst part so far has been that no matter how much I believe I have made any progress at all …,. just that quick I am confronted with another even more complicated reality to sort through. There are never the kinds of rewards I probably anticipate but rather a whole new set of problems to figure out and worse, to try to be in a positive place about it all.  Therefore it is my contention that this is a commitment and if I am not willing to take it on 24/7 every tick tock of this big clock called life …. I am and have been doing nothing but jerking myself off.

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