On the last day of my life……

I just can’t do this anymore. I have been holding a picture in my head of me at around 6 or so and it’s as if I was scratching my head saying, “What the fuck…?” And, I’ve been scratching my head and asking that same question ever since. I don’t get it! How can it possibly be that I see everything one way and almost everyone else sees a completely different picture. I mean we’re looking at the same exact thing and see it as something else! Although there are some, albeit not enough to count on a whole hand, who can see my version, there are so few it’s hard to recall who they are at this minute. Another thing is that those whom I have found throughout my lifetime that ‘get it’ always die…..and way too soon. I mean like in their 20’s and30’s. I think that kids today are more likely to see it than older ones mostly because they were born at a time of transition and it’s still all new and stuff. . I wonder if I’m a TI? I do say stuff in my comments that are as different as anyone’s and I know everything is going by the NSA anyway. Anything is possible these days……………………..  There are so many ‘things’ that I don’t understand anymore about living in the world today. When you’re under the influence of anything it helps with just keeping up with day to day stuff.  Like my experiences with doctors lately!  I really can’t believe what’s going on and that no one is seeing it . A doctor is the distributor and retails for a pharmaceutical company then is limited to what they can write for  even when the product totally sucks! They don’t care anything about your condition except to maintain it….That’s why it’s called ‘Health Maintenance’ instead of health care because they don’t! They care about the commission they make on every prescription they write. When I attempt to discuss causes and cures I get blank stares as if ‘no comprehende’ like they just forgot English. The extremes people go thru in order to maintain their monthly stipend.  Money changes everything..Nothing will influence someone like the threat or promise of money and being compromised and blackmailed. Those are the two big ones but money is always at the core. It’s as if the entire human race has already sold out.  I remember once during an election I ask someone if they had voted and who they voted for. They said ‘Bush’…….. everybody knows he’s going to win and everyone likes to vote for a winner. We’re talking about George Bush here and someone is calling him a winner?  That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t get it. Whatever my purpose was for being here…I never figured it out. My life has been a series of experiences that appear to have no value to anyone else but me and even that is questionable…..As I still have no clue what it’s about.  My intention is to bring it all to an end..My biggest concern is for my pets and that’s just something I’m going to have to deal with.

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