Looking for a center

I start smoking more as if I were already in a balance but I’m not. I keep doing things that I would do but it doesn’t work. Only what works works. Everything else false in the realms of avoidance. I wonder why I do that? I forget once I’m already doing it. All that is required is awareness of the moment. The being aware of being conscious state. Or Being aware of being aware. Same thing. Just as daunting.

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