If my job was to get past the dope karma, I’m almost there. There’s still some stringers hanging on and it’ s along process….Another part of all that had to do with what my birth family was all about.  What a trip that is.  That’s a lifetime of study right there.  Sy is what did it.  There was no Sy.  I made him up and when I tried to tell him, in a zillion different ways, there was no one home.  I was talking to myself.  Then I thought about my sister, as if she was next on my list.. What list ? Did I think suddenly there would be anyone out there that was my sister ?  Mother ? Father, ouy.  See what I mean ? It’s an encyclopedia of creativity in the field of ‘family’.  They are all archetypal characters I made up for my drama.  I just realized what I said.  I’ve known that sentence for a long time but I finally understand what it means on a different level. Closer to the core or so it seems.  More revealing for sure.

So I’m coming along on my pate to a greater awareness.  I’ve had so many rewards so far it can only get better.  The problem is always a match for growth cycles.  The resistance is equal to my free fucking will.

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