If my job was to get past the dope karma, I’m almost there. There’s still some stringers hanging on and it’ s along process….Another part of all that had to do with what my birth family was all about. What a trip that is. That’s a lifetime of study right there. Sy is what did it. There was no Sy. I made him up and when I tried to tell him, in a zillion different ways, there was no one home. I was talking to myself. Then I thought about my sister, as if she was next on my list.. What list ? Did I think suddenly there would be anyone out there that was my sister ? Mother ? Father, ouy. See what I mean ? It’s an encyclopedia of creativity in the field of ‘family’. They are all archetypal characters I made up for my drama. I just realized what I said. I’ve known that sentence for a long time but I finally understand what it means on a different level. Closer to the core or so it seems. More revealing for sure.
So I’m coming along on my pate to a greater awareness. I’ve had so many rewards so far it can only get better. The problem is always a match for growth cycles. The resistance is equal to my free fucking will.