Paying Attention

I just noticed that the Universe is speaking to me.  Everything I’m listening to and watching is speaking directly to me about exactly the subjects I’ve been thinking and talking about. I seem to be being led to certain choices of what I will watch or listen to and it’s always about what’s  going on with me at that time. For example twice today I was in deep conversations with people I generally only say hello to….The other day my new bff AJ was here and we were getting to core stuff about mother and father residue well into adulthood.  Serious emotional baggage we haul around throughout our lives.

Then what happens is later on I rewind the conversations and notice different aspects and the many possibilities they represent like ‘projection’ and what puts us in a reactive state overriding the peace and calm that was present until then.

It’s as if ‘time is up!’ school’s out and this is the minute we are in it!! and the Universe is holding the door open!

It may very well be that instead of being able to have lucid dreams I may be heading in the direction of lucid awakeness also referred to these days as mindfullness or simply being conscious and being aware of yourself being conscious

Part 2:

This is a few days later…….I’m looking at the statement, “The adversities in my life are always a gift”…. as is everything I am attracted ot be it positive or negative. I always notice the later first then maybe I’ll see the positive part…..It’s not a guarantee  that I’ll  notice both sides but sometimes it happens and that is always a bonus.

I always notice the bad stuff….It’s just right there in my face…even when there is actually nothing in front of my face…..it works either way. But the good stuff is not as easy to spot.  I suffer from many self inflicted judgements, perhaps they are all that way. How would I know what judgements someone may have? It’s just another way my ego tries to take control. I define ego as the reflection I see of myself. This is a mental exersise as a mirror is not necessary either.

Also I need to make a distinction here between noticing something as in,”I knew that” and acting on the information that is suddenly just noticed and known.  This is an important distinction….and necessary to notice the difference. As this is what this post is about.

Very often I use my ill fated relationship with my neighbors when I want to explain why I get so drove with what  looks like them. Then if I’m lucky I will also see the benefit of this experience. Then when I use this opportunity to actually notice what just happened and I think I’m ‘getting it’…I stop there as if that was all there was. But now it looks like just another example of distorting the distinction I just made….or in other words….’but wait! there’s more !  and sure enough……..There’s more, there is always more…it depends on where you choose to stop…. but surely it won’t be the end.

In this case I notice the potential that is inherent in any confrontation, I may even notice the good that could result but just the act of noticing is a mental experience and not enough to create the kind of awareness necessary to benefit from the experience as a whole.

To put this in another perspective;   My new BFF is me when I was in my early 30’s and watching him or rather watching his process is enlightening to me as an observer and I get to see so many phases of my own development that have gone asunder…totally off course with one detour after another! None of coarse were ‘off the track’ but rather on purpose left turns when they should have been right or maybe were right and I was left? I am you know, left handed that is…and everyone else is odd!…and that’s how it’s always been, true story.But I digress….

Just as my neighbors represent a particular phase of development my new bff is another. At least his representation shows signs of enlightenment as opposed to the other who is an exrteme opposite in this regard, part of why it is such a difficult challenge to prune the gift they truly are! It’s tough stuff though and sometimes tries me beyond my comprehension.  Where as bff is sooo the opposite and we can talk in the space comfortably much more…it is such a joy to share in that space.  H e knows, too but there is a wall there that I recognized as my own resistance that always thinks it’s done by just ‘knowing’ and now I can see that the journey is only halfway at this point and the rest is the hard part. It’s learning that knowing is only the door and walking through that door is a whole new ball game…It’s called playing in the hert spheres. It is the very essence of ourselves and our purpose and although I still do not know those answers…I do know that this is what I must learn to be complete in this regard. To combine knowing with heartfelt innate knowledge…….now that’s what I’m talking about….The heart of knowing, the joy of oneness of all. This is what this experience of life is about for this time and my purpose is to attain this knowledge of heartfelt knowing.

The story of my life is as a witness to “Initiation”…..

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