Garrison Keillor of ‘A Prairie Home Companion’ does a sketch about “Mom” and it’s about ungrateful children and mother’s innate martyrdom. I always thought it was funny but something about it bothered me. I’ve been a fan of the show for many years and yet it was today that I realized finally that ‘mom’ was really my mom. ……………….It’s always the same story where mom goes into her whimpering rendition of the pain of his birth in order to guilt him into coming home for some particular occasion. In my case her reward was making me apologize to my father after he threw my dinner in my face, etc. saying, “Do it for me?” ……. My mother has spoken many times about her unfortunately horrible experience of my birth. That statement says so much and mean so many things…..and probably all true on all accounts. It was a painful process for her as I did not want to leave those confines grabbing everything I could to stop it holding on to some internal processes along the way and ending her era of procreation. Essentially the story of every episode of ‘Mom’ ………..Years of hearing them finally listening.
I can now see how it is that when an experience shows up and we are reactive….it is those exact points of contact where the message is. Seeing it and being able to interpret it’s true significance is where training is required for most, there are those more in touch than others so it’s not an impossibility. What I find the most difficult is believing it can all be real and true even though all signs are certainly pointing in this direction. It’s in these moments where I experience true joy in my heart. How can this not be true and real?
How can it be that not only does it seem like I never really take myself seriously, that is giving thoughts the true significance they represented instead of just noticing the thought and then going on to something else. Nothing gets acknowledged and so it goes. No wonder there’s nothing in this bank…there are no investments just a lot of empty promissory notes taking up space and gathering dust