Always More Irony………..

I was just thinking how ironic it would be if my ever so self righteous acidic sibling left this plane of the 3rd dimension before I did.  It would be a kind of poetic justice for sure…….at least if you were the kind of person whom all your worldly what evers are so invested in their materialistic  value…..I think that would be the operating theme here. …As it is truly about things with valuable.  It always amazed me and greatly troubled my immediate family that I didn’t blend well in these areas. I remember once my sister, who is a few years older, was discussing getting a car with my mother…..when out of the blue mom says, “But Lyndy will buy her own car when she is 16, won’t you?’    as here eyes peered deeply and desperately into mine…..(The poor dear, if she could have only peered into the future instead…………………It would have been abundantly clear to her that this would be only the beginning of a long line of vehicles she would be purchasing for this ‘Golden Child’…………………)

It’s a funny thing the way life turns out…….A person can be so sure of things even until the  very last minute… then KA BOOM! Everything implodes into smithereens and is instantly changed! Like you never knew what hit ya…it just happens like that, life does….. because of the fact ‘that I lived’ I know this to be true.

All the traumatic times. Those, the ones that you’re absolutely positive have and will ‘change your life forever’ and sometimes they really do.  Like the time I called my father’s bluff after threatening to put me in the hospital again, he hadn’t actually done it yet but it always began something like this, I would piss him off..which was easy since everything I did had this effect, then came the “Get her otta my sight before I bla bla the hospital…” But this time I told him to just go for it…………. he did.  The part about it that was not expected was just like in the comic books….. I saw stars!  Big time stars all flashing and constantly changing colors. One thing here happened for sure and that was the fact that I never took that position again…..and as I live I continue to learn and that alone for  me is what makes waking up everyday a possibility.  Oh sure, easy for me to say…………..now. But yesterday? Not so much. Nothing, I repeat…Nothing…went right. With one exception…my anger bone was working overtime.  It didn’t seem to matter who it was, it wasn’t right, everything is wrong.   Doctor appointment with a new doctor….bad day to meet new doctor especially a new and very young doctor……….. in age as well as experience……. who not only had an attitude about it but I had to contend with this new and young doctor who was probably only a doctor because her Oriental father is a herbalist and acupuncturist! (Wow, I thought, maybe I’ve finally found someone I can agree with…I’m just guessing) But then it began to look like  little daughter is so competitive she is trying to prove to her father that she is better because of a Western education!  (so there went any hope for alternatives) She must have repeated the line about ‘my training’ a dozen times in ten minutes. “According to my training…, Not the way I was trained” I know how her father must feel…… then I had the nerve to mention as kind of a throw away line, “I’ll bet you guys have a lot of arguments!”  (Why did I have to say that?)  If looks could kill………..Who knew? I hadn’t figured it out yet about what her motives were, for almost immediately, while she was recommending a different doctor…… saying, “I think you will have more in common philosophically with Dr. Somebodyelse…than we do” …..(fuck you very much).

Ok, so I didn’t mention the part about when I first got there and I was talking to the assistant telling her that after spending a lot of time on line I probably had too much information………….So she tells this to the doctor before she sees me and brings with her a bit of an attitude to begin with…especially after I had indicated that I would be interested in an alternative treatment……Well,  that turned out to be a mistake on my part.  I should have known better than to think that anyone and mostly everyone never understands what I mean no matter what it is I’m saying…It’s always misunderstood  or rather I do not communicate in a manner that is easily understood and more  often than not, misunderstood…….Then to make things worse I forget that’s what’s happening and begin to react to the misunderstanding and off I go!  Worse yet is that when I go off I go over the line usually and although I am usually not particularly sorry, it can be embarrassing and uncomfortable to be sure. It may be that I suffer from a particular lack of self control in some areas…………………And if necessary I’m sure I could easily come up with some very rational reasons and excuses for my bizarre behavior but then I would be probably making it up anyway.  Everything can have reasons and excuses and over the years I  have found that no matter what you fill in the blanks with it doesn’t change anything……..(I noticed the accidental italics but I think I like it so I’ll keep it) Looks kind of casual and at this point in time, I’m anything but…………………………………………………………………………….over?

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