Where Did I Come From ?

I know, I had a mother and all that but that’s not what I mean.  I’m talking about the fact that I have nothing in common with any of my ‘family’.  I’m talking zero.  I have one sister who’s life goal is and always was to be her mother and she did that……so strange.  She even married her father, so to speak, only a richer version.  So in my sister’s mind it looks like her actual life’s goal was not just to be her mother but to be better and richer and even more ambitious….with regards to these characteristics I must say she is quite successful at this.  Without anymore boring details it’s enough to say that in all regards she has become her mother, not mine however.

I  had parents who lived through the depression and their main motivation was to not live like that anymore.  can’t blame them for that but it’s what they did and how they did it that makes me wonder what I was even doing there with them.

My extended family was pretty much like that as well, they are all the same people, all the same person. Only things were important to them but  after all they are all Jews so what can I say? Except for an adopted cousin who became a born again something and who her adopted family could not deal with.  Poor thing, I always felt so bad for her.  Her parents were my aunt and uncle and were part of this cabal I speak. Except when I tried to tell her how sorry I was for her circumstance…she took great offense and thought I said that because I didn’t like her? I know, it makes no sense except that she must have spent enough time with them to have inherited the family gene that is one of total disfunction.

I have more cousins and aunts and uncles but it’s a boring story and besides I think most are probably dead by now anyway.

The problem is that even dead it doesn’t matter.  I keep them alive in my anger and I do this because they have all rejected me in one way or another while they were still alive and I cannot let them die.  Not so much that I like keeping them around because I don’t.   It’s a by product of a retarded emotional pot of chicken soup and is as stale as it is old….and it is very very old, trust me on this one!

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