Is supposed to be what all the covert black programs and secrecy is about. ‘They say’ the real reason is because they can’t do anything about it and they don’t want the public to know they are sitting ducks. Maybe. It could explain a lot but so could another idea. Like what if the real agenda was more about finding out who we were would be more likely if there were to be open communications with other life forms?
This is about the process of the spaces in between………….
So this is what it looks like; In between a thought and an action is a space where procrastination takes place. It’s also where excuses are manufactured. Usually, most of the time you think about doing something then you do it. What I’m talking about is that segment of time that is available to ponder the decision to act on those thoughts. Turns out, this is the time where you actually decide you’re going through with the thoughts. This is where I get stuck. Somehow I’ve expanded this space into more time to make more decisions. The result is nothing gets done. That is, besides more thinking and more possible options, otherwise known as ‘procrastination’. And it takes up all of the remaining time and leaving none for the task originally intended. This is how nothing ever gets done! Another routine I frequently use is, ‘waiting for the meds to work.’ This one always works as I’m always waiting for the medication to kick in and fill in the empty space where motivation should be……and isn’t. Probably due to years of utilizing this created segment in time for so many years. I’m taking a long road around the fact that this is when all the excuses are manufactured that exactly fit the particular circumstance. I guess this would be a good time to mention that this routine I’m explaining is the story of my existence. The method from which my life is lived and the process of how I accomplish anything or not. I can’t help but wonder if anyone else ever takes any time to contemplates this micro analysis of their time and if this is just one of many individual patterns or routines that seem to be just my own. Is this the kind of stuff that separates me from everyone else? I don’t know, it’s never come up before. I’ve never taken this apart to ponder over. Does anyone else? Or am I just spinning my wheels here trying to excuse whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing at this very moment? In other words, is this a legitimate issue or just another excuse?
At my moment of birth, sometimes it feels like I had just gotten off the train. I’m standing on the subway platform wondering if I got off at the right stop when someone slapped me into consciousness.
I suppose it’s all that all the time. I like to think I’m talking to someone else but I’m really only projecting my stuff on them and using their name. Remembering that isn’t automatic. It actually is more automatic to hide this in terms of denial. Denial, on the other hand, does seem to be on auto pilot as well. It’s all a big game of Wack-A-Mole! Focus in on one thing and 10 others pop up! A chain reaction goes on and so far it’s never ending. It’s not but it does feel that way. I know in my heart of hearts there is an end to this whole routine. It’s not so much about death as it is completion. By then, death will seem like a piece of cake!
“Love conquers” Not exactly new and yet always ever present, so obvious and so easily missed. Forgotten is the most common, at least for me it is. The most important stuff that has taken a lifetime to get is usually the very first things I tend to always forget. It’s so convenient. There’s a footprint embedded on my backside from the multiple kicking of myself there, way past the moment when the information might have been helpful and would have made the difference, at that missed opportunity. There are just so many of them. At some point it doesn’t seem to matter. That I have some clues I’ve been holding to for this very occasion, I forget at the very moment they exist for! That would be too perfect! I’m reminded that I am not a saint and have been provided the many lost opportunities as a sort of shortcut to the next one coming. Because it will come just as sure as tomorrow will show up following the sunrise. In this case you could even say it brings light to my own hidden darkness. Everything about life is Fibonacci. It all follows the same pattern and all with their own particular purpose. It fits together exactly the way it’s supposed to. I may not be perfect but the design always is.
A crash coarse on intentional resolution. An intense and brutally honest reflection of my own contradictions and built in hypocrisy born of isolation and limited experience to form conclusions….Hidden with bits of trivia about this and that to distract and camoflauge the void and deception. It goes deep into the past. It’s the rocks in the boxes I’ve been dragging around since I can remember when. It looks like I’ve done a lot of work in this area so why am I attracting it? It may just be reminders of how very close behind it is and not to get cocky about it. Like, ‘Don’t you ever forget…..’ or, ‘we can do this anytime we want to’. I got it. Be humble. Grateful, all that. Changing dug in behavior takes time and work but mostly a lot of practice. Remembering is hard. I can face the same dilemma over and over again and forget I just did that until I get to the end.
I think I’m having a eureka moment. I’ve been communicating with something through commenting on videos and asking questions here. When I write about it I get answers! It’s true! I’ve noticed this before and now see it’s ongoing and always available. There’s always a benefit when I’m willing.
Life is getting lighter. The contrast is stark and subtle at the same time. What becomes obvious isn’t as profound as I once thought. Nothing is. It’s all a story about a story. A vehicle to move misinformation around the un awakened ‘red pilled’ pseudo warriors spinning their wheels and kicking up a lot of dust. In the same way saying ‘Amen’ is in reverence to Aton, the Sun God and nothing to do with being a Christian…..The red pill was never designed ti awaken anything. Just like they did everything else in our history, they reversed its true meaning and value of a ‘blue pill’ when it’s actually the higher vibration than the red anything! Also, just like the way was almost everyone believes what they are taught in the church is true, explains the unwillingness to even question any of it. The answer is always the same, either it’s god’s will to know or not or it’s simply not for us to know. That’s the answer, no answer! Just to make sure, it is even a sin to explore alternative possibilities. There is something wrong with a system that would rather create fear than a any faith in the unknown.
That’s actually a misnomer title. I’ve finally figured out what my job is and that’s only been lately, like way lately! The benefits are derived from surviving long enough to merit any awards at all! I think what becomes an ‘award’ is what has been just under the surface all along. When I have to do something and wish I could be doing something else, is the beneath the surface part. After many years of wishing and some purposeful intention can become an actual reality. At least this potential does exist. It may totally depend on how powerful an underlying ‘wish’ is. Mine must have been pretty overwhelming! I’m have benefits way above any intention I was even aware of. My reality at present is everything I have ever hoped for and more! I am in the position of doing whatever I want to and whenever I get around to it! There are some limitations but not insurmountable ones. Mostly monetary restrictions do limit some desires but they are usually more about wants than needs. I can work around those, depending on necessity. Otherwise, I don’t even have to get out of bed if I don’t feel like it and don’t have any appointments or anything like that. I always have more than enough to do and I don’t always have enough energy to do anything. I do have some health concerns that are limiting but it’s just like being lazy and I do that really well. This state of mind doesn’t come without some preparation and a lot of introspection. I have found the utility of a mental shovel to be extremely useful.