Evolution or devolution ?

Very much like the previous post on societies dim view on talking to ourselves, we are also supposed to believe that we are the most evolved humans so far.  Not so, we have never been so unconscious in all of human history as we are right now.  But wait it gets better.  While the bible is supposed to be the word of God it turns out it is a very clever book of secret knowledge written in code.  The sources have been prooved to be ancient pagan and previous knowledge going back to a time before even the Moon was seen in the night skies.  Our beginnings may have been in the Genesis story but not exactly.  ‘There were giants in those days and after’ ? I’m afraid that has never been truly explained unless you’re a believer in angels falling out of the sky.  Maybe those giants were early us and over the eons have wound up as we are today?  If that’s the case we have not been any  in any evolutionary process but in fact diminishing.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The new rule is the voice of consciousness

It’s is the only way I know how to know myself.  By having this conversation I am able to debate and contrast ideas.  At the same time culture takes a rather dim view of this practice, that is really sanity.  Reality is the distraction from self discovery so it’s hard to take my insights more seriously than just a thought. They say people who talk themselves are crazy so that’s that.  Instead participating in a game of life as if a spectator or as Shakespeare said, “We are but designated players………”.   It’s no accident, this is the real essence of programming.  I cannot even describe how insidious this undermining of humanity is.  The secret of life is talking to self.  I eliminate ‘my’  I can depersonalize the information bypassing my ego that does not acknowledge that intuition is our true inner voice.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Jesse and Juliet Members of my soul family

Jesse and Juliet God Bless You Both

I called you on purpose to get me through my head trip about my neighbors killing themselves. Doesn’t look like a coincidence.  That’s why we’re even in each others lives.  That’s fucking heavy shit.  We are now entering the dimension of soul family  Who knew I was getting exactly what I have been manifesting  But I still had some work left .   The difference this time is I reached out for help even though that’s not how it looked for awhile.  A painful experience in the power of  the imagination.  Then the frosting Chelsea and her bike routine.  I plugged right into that.  All in all I’d say it was a day of great risk and challenge and I had the opportunity to break through it and get to the other side.

It’s a week or so later now and in fact it is my actual birthday today.  I was remembering that day and had this thought that even though I was sure my neighbors had died they were in fact at a funeral for a friend that had.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s all coming back to me………..

Back in the day when I was a continuing returning client in the state department of corrections system…..In the beginning of my seven year commitment to CRC one of the requirements for release was participation in ‘groups’.  Turns out people used to pay me off with commissary to not attend these meetings as I had a tendency to call bullshit when I heard it  I used to think it was just a result of all the therapy I was subjected to. For years I told I had a sophisticated understanding of psychology and I gave all the credit to this imposed training. My mother was convinced I was 8ill. I guess that’s the nicest way to say it.  It’s a long story for another time.

What happened today showed me something else about all that. I was shown that this is not psychology but something else entirely and with the assistance of Sy’s resistance I was able to see something incredible. I could see so much of all of it and why I was always seeing stuff the way I did and yet no one else ever seemed to. There were some along the way but only Judie stands out and Connie of course, my very first teacher.  This has to be the best birthday I’ve ever had.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

All in All it was a goo day

This stuff really works.  I had some issues where I live with a neighbor and generally speaking I’m not crazy about neighbors anyway.  I’m very protective of my little space and sometime go out of my way protecting it. What happened was a new tenant who happen to be the landlord’s daughter moved in downstairs and was beginning to take over or rather drive right over me and anything else in her way and she’s rather large so a lot is in her way. You know how a vacuum sucks everything up in it’s way? Yea, that kind. I compared it to a new tenant who decided they didn’t like their parking space and just took one they wanted which as it turned out happened to be mine and I was not having it!  The problem is I had been warned about complaints and threatened to lose my housing so I didn’t know until the last minute what would finally happen. So today finally happened and then OakTree showed up and made it clear to this person where their parking spot was! Turned out they actually supported me and I am a happy camper. It is probably the best birthday present I’ve had in decades.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Fear is an anchor to the physical realm. It keeps me connected to a familiar place I already know.  This world of things. to experience with my five sense reality of touch, smell, sight, taste and sound. That’s why I believe it’s real.  I see it, feel it, taste it, hear it and smell it not realizing that I have created this experience within the power of my intention, albeit all the subliminal influences that form my thought patterns to create perfect consumers. I am on auto pilot and just respond to the stimuli as an object to manipulate but not as a highly evolved and creative human being.

Protesting is an admission of powerlessness……by focusing my energy away from myself at an external I interpret as in control rather than making the change within myself and reclaiming my own power. I did not to choose to give away my power I have been trained and conditioned to through family, school and society at large.  This illusion seems  so real and normal and anyone who doesn’t follow these rules is not real or normal.  So I had to go to shrinks to get right.  That’s what was wrong.  It was me it was always me  I can see it all so clearly. If only I hadn’t tried so hard to make myself right……maybe I wouldn’t have gone so wrong….. .. easy for me to say…..now… when as it turns out at the most important time I believe in a persons life…. when many reevaluations are taking place.  Now is the most perfect time that ever was.  I know this ticket is well worth the price.  I’m having the greatest time. ..No kidding, I love every wrinkle and scar and mostly I love being old. For me it’s as good as falling in love ……..

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bless Mom’s Apple Pie – Hole

I’ll never forget the sense of relief clearly heard and felt in my mother’s voice when she muttered, “I always knew there was something wrong with you!”  Yes mom, you have been validated. This was the answer to the fact that I had just accepted from the doctor here at the mental hospital.  I was a temporary patient in the detox program but not to mom, no she knew what really was going on, she’d always known…. it’s  something you couldn’t really put your finger on but you could tell.  There’s something wrong with this person (me)…..and she was going to fix it.  Something my mother always knew in her heart was that money can fix everything. She’s been gone for some years now and I can’t help but wonder if she still knows that ?

I just didn’t go to shrinks to get well I was also a ‘Loretta Young Girl’……I’m 5’2″ and built  kind of like a barrel but none the less my mother was going to make sure I was normal in every way the knew was normal. As a teenager she paid for me to take ice-skating lessons, in desperation to accomplish her goal, I was not graceful enough.  What else ? I’m sure there are more examples of ‘unconditional’ love only I can’t recall any at the moment.  One more; This woman was a cornucopia of excuses, she was always ready to explain that although her other daughter was quite normal, I assure you, all this one needs is some direction.  She’ll be just fine once she gets the hang of this sexual distinction issues.

Poor mom, may she rest in peace with at least a credit card.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment